Fobias

Estaba preguntándome si preferir la muerte a que un saltamontes roce mi piel se puede considerar fobia a estos encantadores animales cuando decidí escribir un artículo de ficción sobre las fobias en general. Tenía pensado inventarme unas cuantas, por eso de hacer unas gracietas para pasar el rato. No contaba con que la realidad supera a la ficción, ni con la idiosincrasia en general del ser humano. El caso es que me ahorro el trabajo. Pasen y vean (hay que darle a «fobias», justo encima de «premios y menciones»).

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  1. pakoman wrote:

    Acrofobia: Miedo a las alturas.
    Altofobia: Miedo a las alturas.

    ¿Por qué al ilustre creador de la página en cuestión le da por inventarse 2 de cada 3 fobias? O por lo menos la parte de la palabra que indica la etiología de la fobia, que normalmente tiene raíz griega.

    Atomosofobia : Miedo a las explosiones atómicas.
    Atomo significa indivisible en griego, pero de todas formas… ¡¿¡¿quién coño puede no tener miedo de una explosión nuclear?!?! (Abstenerse de contestar terroristas islámicos)

    Barofobia: Miedo a la gravedad. Ésta sí que es buena. Aparte de que baros es presión, pero bueno… la página esta bien para echarte unas risas.

  2. Garganta Profunda wrote:

    Yo me quedo con varias…

    Apotemnofobia: Miedo a personas con amputaciones.
    ¿? No sea que te peguen con el muñon.

    Arachibutyrofobia: Miedo a la mantequilla de cacahuete que se pega al paladar. Joder con los griegos…¿Â»butyr»=mantequilla?

    Bolshefobia: Miedo a Bolchevikes. Muy comun esta fobia entre los que pululan por las weblogs y el Areópago…

    Diabetofobia: Miedo a la diabetes. Socorro, que viene el azucar!!!

    Ithyphallofobia: Miedo a lo que piensen los demás o de tener un pene erguido. O a que piensen las demas que estas empalmado como un caballo.

    Medorthofobia: Miedo a un pene erguido. Segun que penes es algo muy natural…

    Pentherafobia: Miedo a la suegra. No solo miedo, pánico, terror!! Salvese quien pueda!!!

  3. Ava wrote:

    Efectivamente, yo tengo Arachibutyrofobia o miedo a la mantequilla de cacahuete que se pega al paladar.

    Para los que no lo sepan, en Estados Unidos es como la Nocilla para los niños patrios, lo cual explica mucho sobre la sociedad americana. Mi experiencia fue años ha en una academia de inglés. Ni pegamento de contacto, ni resina epoxídica, ni pegamento bicomponente, ni cola de carpintero ni ostias, la mantequilla de cacahuete es el pegamento definitivo con el que se construirán las naves espaciales en este siglo. Ese engrudo me unió ambas mandíbulas, la lengua y el paladar con una fuerza descomunal, convirtiéndolo todo en una masa de carne y cacahuete inamovible e inmutable. Durante 5 minutos hice lo imposible por hacer pasar eso por el esófago, pero como se negaba a moverse de mi cavidad bucal acabé por ir al servicio a despegarlo como buenamente pude, ayudándome de las manos y rozando el vómito en ocasiones.

    Y ahora, a ver quien tiene cojones de probarla después de leer esto, hala, valientes.

  4. Garganta Profunda wrote:

    Coño, Ava! Ni que fuera el POXIPOL (c).

    ¿Quien te manda a ti catar esos mejunjes foraneos? Donde este una buena merienda a base de bocadillo de pamplones y queso manchego que se quite el engrudo de cacahuete marca Jimmy Carter!

  5. alberto wrote:

    Desde la tierra del cacahuete, y de Jimmy Carter, corroboro el hecho de que la famosa peanut butter es la nocilla yanqui. Y lo peor de todo es que se hace sandwiches con mermelada o un plátano y el mejunge en cuestión. Sí, son así de raritos por estos lares. ¡Viva el jamón de jabugo!

    Por cierto, supongo que si preguntara por aquí, más de uno y de dos diría que padece de Bolshefobia.

    El tío que se ha inventado estas cosas tiene que estar de un aburrido que no veas, eso sí, me he cagado de la risa. ¿Habrá una fobia para eso?

    Un saludo desde la tierra de la libertad y el hogar de los valientes

    Alberto

  6. unodelos60 wrote:

    Ava, tus explicaciones han arrojado luz sobre una pregunta que acuciaba mi existencia: ¿por qué cojones los americanos hablan todos con la boca torcida y de lado como si quisieran morderse el lóbulo de la oreja?
    No se acuesta uno ni un día sin aprender algo nuevo.

  7. Juanan wrote:

    Jur jur jur…..

    Hacia mucho tiempo que no me reia tanto leyendo una pagina web…. quien demonios se puede haber inventado tantas fobias.

    Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliofobia: Miedo a palabras largas. Con esta me troncho!!!!

    Japanofobia: Miedo a los japoneses… jajaja y Cochejapanofobia. A los coches japoneses. :p

    Y k putada el k tenga Logizomechanofobia: Miedo a los ordenadores. Aunque cada día me pone más enervado mi puñetero ordenador!!!!

    Menofobia: Miedo a la menstruación. jajaja, sobre todo la de mi pitufilla, k cuando le va a bajar buffffff.

    Medomalacufobia: Miedo a perder una erección, vaya esta si que es jodida!!!!

    Pentherafobia: Miedo a la suegra. (sin comentarios) 😀

    Spectrofobia: Miedo a espectros o fantasmas. Os juro que si viera uno me cago de miedo!!!!!

    En serio, muy bueno!!!!

  8. Alfredo _MG wrote:

    Por algunos reportajes que leí hace tiempo en no sé dónde (que no se diga que no doy datos verificados), me parece que todas esas fobias descritas son reales.

  9. Morcillero wrote:

    Hay una que es real, pues yo la padezco:

    Triskaidekafobia: Miedo al número 13

    Es lo peor de lo peor. Si miras un reloj siempre son y trece, te sientas en la fila 13 del cine, estas a 13 grados, etc…

    Aunque lo malo de que te persiga esta número es que la mala suerte va detrás.

    ¿Le ocurre a alguien más o estoy sólo en mi angustia?

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