Burros volantes

Por si las víctimas de los atentados del once de marzo no tenían bastante con una comisión cuyo principal objetivo ha sido el lanzamiento de cadáveres como proyectiles para fortalecer las verdades absolutas de los partidos, nos llega ahora un Alto Comisionado, algo que estremece ya desde su nombre, pues señala la existencia más que probable de un medio comisionado y de otro bajo. Este nuevo organismo tendrá la función de diluir el daño provocado por la matanza en un mar de buenas intenciones e hipócrita compasión.

La investigación, policial o periodística, destinada a dilucidar quiénes fueron todos los autores del atentado y cuáles los movimientos de los políticos españoles en esos días, con responsabilidades penales incluidas, sigue siendo el único camino que puede atenuar el dolor de los damnificados. Lo de las penas se nos antoja prácticamente imposible y casi una almibarada utopía en un país donde ex-presidentes sospechosos de delitos gravísimos son intocables y el propio Jefe de Estado una figura más allá del bien y el mal. Con estos precedentes, los aznares, acebes, zaplanas, zapateros o rubalcabas de turno tienen todavía margen para hacer de la vileza una de las bellas artes. Apostar por quien será capaz de caer más bajo se convierte así en un tristísimo divertimento digno de este esperpento que hubiese hecho vomitar al mismo Valle-Inclán, inventor literario del asunto.

Así, este Alto Comisionado empieza ya a tejer la venda de la corrección política. Su director, presidente, superintendente o comisionadísimo, Gregorio Peces-Barba, solicita que no se reproduzcan más las imágenes de la matanza en los medios de comunicación. Este gesto de cara a la galería demuestra un profundo desconocimiento acerca de la composición de las noticias televisivas y escritas, además de evitar la denuncia clara, con nombres concretos, de aquellos medios que pudieran haber vulnerado la ética profesional mediante el aprovechamiento de la truculencia para atraer al receptor (queremos decir, más de lo habitual). Las declaraciones se redondean y se cubren de gloria con el anuncio de que le acompañará en su cargo una mujer catalana, de cuyo nombre no quiere acordarse de momento, con lo que las cuotas están cubiertas.

Este comienzo, sin embargo, nos parece que se queda corto, pues ya que uno se pone, se pone en serio. Dicho esto, nos parece que las víctimas agradecerían mucho las siguientes medidas del gigantesco comisionado:
a) Un secretario homosexual vasco.
b) La sustitución de las palabras “matanza” o “atentado” por las siglas SICAEA (Situaciones Incómodas a Causa de la Acción de Elementos Socialmente Agresivos)
c) La declaración del once de marzo como Día Mundial de la Concordia en la Vía Láctea.
d) La puesta en marcha dentro del Alto Comisionado de una comisión transversal parlamentaria, que a su vez tenga una subcomisión de género intergeneracional. Del consenso de estas partes surgiría otra comisión, en este caso descomisionada, y más bien vertical aunque escorada hacia el lado donde más caliente el sol.

Asimismo, creemos que Peces-Barba ha emitido un discurso demasiado elaborado e incomprensible para el común. Bastaba con un simple “mirad, un burro volando” para empezar con buen pie. Si se quiere distraer al personal no hace falta complicarse.

Comments

  1. Camarada Bakunin wrote:

    ¡JAJAJAJAJAJA! Certero.

  2. intelestual wrote:

    Lo siento Alfredo, pero tengo que hacer propaganda en tu blog a pesar de que es el que más respeto me merece:

    Hola amigos estoy inundando con propaganda de los premios parásitos 2004 todos los blogs, igual que hacen los del fioricet y el soma. En el blog maketo power podréis participar en la elección de lo mejor/peor del año. Es vuestra oportunidad para aclamarme como vuestro ídolo.

  3. Murdoch wrote:

    no es por seguir incordiando, que no es mi intención, pero la Sra. Manjón comentó el otro día que le parecía bien la designación, «por la buena trayectoria profesional» (del Excmo.Sr.Peces-Barba, o será a partir de ahora «ex-Excmo» según la revolucionaria propuesta del ciudaddano Zapatero?).
    O bien este señor ha tenido contacto previo con víctimas de atentados o bien su carrera política es decisiva en el nuevo puesto a part-time.
    Si es lo primero esta señora tiene razón, si es lo segundo, es preocupante.

  4. Girondino wrote:

    Bueno, si de caer bajo se trata, ahora mismo Peces con Barba tiene una posición envidiable para superar a sus rivales. Veremos a ver si no nos decepciona.

  5. Matanegros wrote:

    Gregorio es un tipo impresentable, al frente de ese invento debría estar Zaplana.

  6. intelestual wrote:

    Alfredo, la audiencia de LPD con sus votos en el blog parásito ha decidido que, en la categoría «autor más apreciado» el ganador es Alfredo_MG, y en la categoría «mejor blog», el blog, Bloc de anillas, en ambos casos por una buena mayoría.
    Te felicito personalmente por haber superado con creces a tus pedantes compañeros de LPD (a excepción de Pablo). Enhorabuena. Pídele el premio a bobota, ya sabes un libro firmado por él.

  7. inteletubby wrote:

    Parece que todos son pedantes menos los que piensan como tu

  8. Alfredo MG wrote:

    ¿Y he ganado algo? ¿Un jamón?

  9. intelestual wrote:

    No, un jamón no, te tendrás que conformar con un libro de Maragall firmado por bobota, que no hay presupuesto.

  10. Scardanelli wrote:

    Yo a estos premios honoríficos no acabo de verles el qué. De todo este tinglado, ¿qué sacamos los ganadores?

    Donde esté un buen jamón que se quite el gran honor.

    O si no hay jamón con que llenar el buche al menos que se engorde mi cuenta corriente, que así, «embuchándome» unos dineros extras, sí que me sentiría honrado y hasta iría a recogerlos en persona congelando por un día mi «fobia social».

  11. Erthel wrote:

    Había leído «burros votantes»

  12. Alfredo MG wrote:

    ¿Un libro de Maragall? Esto… padezco de agorafobia, claustrofobia, aerofobia y aerofagia…agradezco mucho el premio, pero no creo que pueda ir a recogerlo. Mandaré, eso sí, un vídeo a los organizadores. Concretamente uno de aerobic de Jane Fonda.

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    Enhorabuena, alfredo! Aunque temo que esto se traduzca en un próximo ataque a tu blog por parte de esa panda de trolls malintencionados y cabrones que se dedican a putear al personal…Por envidia, aunque sea. Así que espero que, si sucede eso, resistas los ataques, no desfallezcas y sigas animándonos con tus textos!

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